


The Secrets of Dreams and Dreamers

by e_cat



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Declan is an interesting character, Declan knows a lot of secrets, Declan tries to be a good brother, He's just a little misguided, M/M, Mostly about Declan, Niall kept a lot of secrets, Someone should really have explained the whole Greywaren thing to Ronan, Tags Are Fun, also because I love Pynch, because that was a funny tag, pinch of Pynch, seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 20:03:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3622494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/e_cat/pseuds/e_cat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Declan knows a lot of things about dreams. He learned most of these things from his father, and he's kept most of these things from Ronan. Centered around Declan, because I started thinking about how interesting he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Secrets of Dreams and Dreamers

**Author's Note:**

> Characters belong to Maggie Stiefvater.
> 
> Okay, so Declan is very pivotal in terms of how Ronan defines who he is, but we don't know all that much about him. In fact, Declan is pretty much just a collection of unanswered questions. Which is why this might seem like it is basically Declan word-vomit - it kind of is.

Declan Lynch knew how to be alone. He didn’t need affection to find his self-worth. In fact, he didn’t need to _have_ self-worth. What he thought of himself didn’t matter so much, as long someone else thought he had worth.

Of course, Declan did have self-worth, because he needed at least one person to have faith in him, and he had been the only one willing to do that as he grew up. He’d had to find ways to build his confidence off of others, and he’d survived. Now, he couldn’t help but cling to the notion that he was worthwhile, because telling himself that was all that had kept him afloat for so long.

Ronan and Matthew hadn’t had these problems. Everyone always loved Matthew, and even if they didn’t, Matthew was too innocent to even consider thinking of himself as worthless. It probably didn’t even cross his mind that other people had those thoughts, even though he still thought that Ronan had attempted suicide.

And Ronan – Ronan had never needed to find confidence in himself. Not when their father had practically shouted it at him, showered it upon him. Niall Lynch’s praises of Ronan’s potential didn’t put pressure on him, either, because they were all true, and they all knew it.

Perhaps that was why Niall’s death hit Ronan so hard – suddenly, his only assurances of himself came from within.

Declan wasn’t sure whether Ronan faked the confidence that he seemed to be bathed in, or if the doubts came only when he was alone, but he knew that there must be doubts. Otherwise, why would Ronan have started collecting cuts from his dreams? Why would he have gotten that tattoo on his back, to wear like it was his soul?

And the worst part was that Declan knew that it was probably within his power to help Ronan. He just wasn’t sure how.

Maybe he should fight less with Ronan. Or maybe the fights helped keep Ronan grounded; assured him that he could be on the right side of some things.

Maybe he should tell Ronan that it was okay for him to be gay. Maybe it would only make Ronan angry – Declan assuming that his brother cares what he thinks again. Maybe Ronan wouldn’t believe him – Declan wasn’t sure he’d believe him, either, and, in fact, he wasn’t convinced that it was true. Maybe Ronan just needed some time to figure it out for himself.

Maybe Declan should explain everything to him, or maybe he should continue keeping it all secret. That was what their father had wanted, after all. When Niall had sought Declan out – just Declan, not Ronan, not Matthew – he had felt so special. He’d thought that his father finally saw that he wasn’t worthless. It hadn’t taken long to figure out that his father was sharing his secrets with him precisely because he didn’t consider him to be special at all.

Taking from dreams was dangerous, Niall had explained. There were those who would try to take it away, or try to exploit it. There were those who would try to destroy it.

Declan was the oldest son, Niall had reminded him. He had to protect his brothers. Anyone who came looking would assume that Declan was the Greywaren, and that meant that he had to be the one to keep the secret. He had to keep Ronan safe at all costs; protect him from those who would use his gift, and from the terrible burden of knowing all there was to know about it. But, mostly, he had to keep Ronan humble.

Niall had told Declan of how there was only ever one Greywaren, and how he’d assumed it passed along when the last one died. But that wasn’t always the case, because Niall had lost it long before he had lost his life.

He’d gotten greedy, he'd told his oldest son. He hadn’t bothered to ask for all the things he took. He’d stripped the dream energy down to nothing more often than he should have. In short, he’d acted like a thief, and so he’d become a thief.

And how did Niall know that the Greywaren status had passed to Ronan, Declan had questioned. How did he know it hadn’t passed to some random person they didn’t even know?

“Have you seen the things that he’s brought back?” Niall had responded. “Beautiful things. Things only a Greywaren could dream of. Things taken with so much ease… I envy him. I could do that once; I’ve lost the right.”

Of course, Declan had envied his brother as well. Just to hear the admiration in Niall’s voice would have been enough to do that. But the idea of pulling things from dreams wasn’t just abstract for Declan. In fact, he’d done it himself.

He knew how hard it could be to take things from the dream world. It actually required almost all of Declan’s strength, and often rendered the sleep he’d had before getting there quite worthless. He could never manage to bring back anything but dead flowers and broken trinkets, either.

He knew it was a little easier for his father, who had a few leftover privileges from being Greywaren once. In fact, Niall could take things by accident on occasion, and it didn’t take so much from him.

But it was Ronan who took from his dreams with a frequency that seemed to contradict the ease with which he did so. Declan hadn’t quite understood it, because if he could take like Ronan could, then he would own the world. But, then, he supposed that that was why he wasn’t the Greywaren.

“And Matthew,” Niall had added minutes later, after both of them had spent the proper amount of time contemplating Ronan’s abilities in silence. “He took Matthew from a dream.”

Of course, there had been questions. Declan couldn’t quite conceive how an entire person – especially one so different from his creator – could be brought so easily into reality, so long ago that Declan hadn’t even remembered that it had happened.

“The Greywaren needs a guide,” Niall had explained. “He needs someone to remind him why reality is worth staying in; someone to remind him that life can be simple, and that he has enough here.”

“Someone to remind him not to take so much,” Declan had suggested, and Niall had smiled a bit as he nodded. Declan had frowned as he thought about it some more. “So, what happened to your guide?”

Niall had laughed fully. That laugh had haunted Declan for a long time, because what he said next was, “I married her.”

\-----------------------------------

“Hey.” Ronan poked Declan in the forehead, jolting him out of his thoughts. “What are you thinking about so hard? You must be using all three of your fucking brain cells.”

Declan sighed, because it was just like Ronan to greet him with an insult. But then Ronan’s tone registered, and he looked closely at Ronan’s face, and found a smile there. Declan couldn’t remember the last time he’d interacted with Ronan when his brother was in a good mood.

 _Maybe I shouldn’t ruin it,_ Declan thought to himself. But that was just him trying to delay this. Trying to delay explaining everything to his brother. Trying to delay giving Ronan the chance to tell him to get lost. Trying to delay disobeying his father’s wishes.

Declan was just so conflicted. He thought that Ronan needed to know. Sure, his father had disagreed, but his father wasn’t around anymore (not that he’d ever phrase it like that when Ronan was listening). Niall Lynch had definitely been more versed in the world of the Greywaren than Declan, but he’d also gotten himself kicked out.

Besides, the concept of the Greywaren was dangerous. Declan was protecting Ronan, but if someone got to him like they’d gotten to his father… Declan couldn’t leave Ronan to figure everything out on his own. Not when Declan had so many answers.

He’d asked his father a lot of questions, and sometimes he wished that Niall hadn’t answered them all. Didn’t he at least owe it to Ronan to let him know that he could ask? Didn’t he owe it Ronan to give an explanation for what he could do – what he _was?_

Declan made up his mind again. He was going to tell Ronan. He was definitely going to tell Ronan.

“What are you so happy about?” Declan asked before he could stop himself. Well, this probably wouldn’t go well. Ronan would scowl, and ask why it was wrong that he was happy. Then he would say something offensive, and Declan would return the favor. Inevitably, they’d end up fighting in the stupid park. They might get arrested for disturbing the peace, and Declan would have to get them out of jail. One of them might get injured badly enough that they’d have to go to the hospital, and –

Ronan’s grin widened. Declan barely kept his jaw from falling open in his surprise. “We got him,” Ronan said. “We got Greenmantle – the guy who killed Dad. He’s gone, and he’s not coming back. We got him.”

Declan frowned. “You got him. You mean you – I _told_ you to keep your head down!”

Ronan just looked at him. “But now I don’t need to,” he said. “He’s gone. He’s not going to bother us anymore.”

Declan shook his head. “That’s a big risk, Ronan. How do you know he won’t come back?”

“We fucking blackmailed him,” Ronan said through gritted teeth. “He’s not coming back, Declan. Trust me. Can’t you just be happy?”

Declan took a slow breath. “You said ‘we,’” he pointed out. “Did you drag Matthew into this?”

Ronan gave his brother an incredulous look. “Fuck, no,” he said. “Why the hell would I do that? He doesn’t need to know about this.”

Declan released the tiniest smile, because at least he and Ronan could agree on the subject of protecting Matthew from knowledge of the nastier bits of the world they inhabited. “Who, then?”

Ronan shrugged his shoulders, and Declan knew the answer before his brother could say it: “Parrish.”

Declan nodded slowly. “Oh.”

Ronan scowled for the first time in this conversation. The fact that it had taken so long, Declan thought, should be listed among the world’s greater miracles. “Oh?” he repeated. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.” Declan tried to make it true as he said it, but Ronan could always see through that. His eyes narrowed. Declan sighed. “Just that you must have been working closely together on that.” It shouldn’t sound like such an accusation. Declan had decided already that he was at least going to pretend to be okay with this. He added, “He must know about you.”

Ronan’s frown deepened, and Declan decided that he’d still said the wrong thing. Maybe he could make a political speech that would convince the public he was committed to something he’d barely mentioned, but Ronan always paid too much attention to miss the lies and misdirects. “Why did you call me?” Ronan asked.

Declan smirked. “I didn’t expect you to answer,” he said. That was true, because calling to set up this conversation, rather than simply mentioning it after church, had been another of Declan’s delay tactics.

“So why did you call?” Ronan challenged.

Declan shrugged. He looked away from Ronan’s piercing gaze and confessed to the ground, “I know a lot more about it than I’ve told you. The dreams, I mean.”  
Ronan nodded slowly. “I figured you did,” he said, sitting on the picnic table beside Declan.

Declan looked up in amazement. Who was this, and what had he done to Ronan? Ronan could never hold his temper this well. In fact, this had to be the longest conversation they’d had without throwing a punch since their father died – outside of church, at least.

“So?” Ronan prompted. “Did you call just to tell me that you know more, or are you actually going to fucking tell me?”

Declan nodded. “Right. Right. I, um… damn. There’s a lot. What do you want to know?”

Ronan rolled his eyes. “Why don’t you start with Matthew? Is there anything else I need to know about Matthew? You don’t know how to make sure he’ll be okay if I die, do you?”

Declan shook his head. “I don’t know anything about that,” he admitted sorrowfully. That was the hardest thing for him to handle – the thought that in a single instant, he could lose both his brothers.

He knew that Ronan had found a place where their mother could stay awake, but Ronan hadn’t invited him to visit, and he hadn’t asked. Declan spent most of his time hating dreams, and a dream place was not somewhere he belonged. He doubted he could manage to get Matthew there, even if he knew where it was.

“I do know a few other things, though,” he offered. He picked one at random and started talking.

\-----------------------------------

By the time Declan began to run out of things to tell Ronan, the sun was starting to go down. Outlined against the sunset, Declan spotted a figure approaching them, and he paused as he attempted to make out the person.

“Lynch!” the person called when he was close enough, and Declan was able to discern that it was Adam Parrish. And then, in spite of the fact that neither of them questioned for a second which one he was referring to, Adam clarified, “Ronan. I have to work soon. You said this wasn’t going to take long.”

Ronan shrugged. “Apparently, Declan knows a fucking lot about dreams that he hasn’t told me.” It wasn’t said with malice, and Declan wondered if that was because Ronan really wasn’t mad, or because he was talking to Adam.

“Does he know how to wake them up?” Adam asked immediately.

Ronan looked down for a second and shook his head. “No,” he said. “But that’s okay. We can still figure it out. I still think it has to be possible.”

Adam nodded. “I believe it,” he said. “If anyone can do it, you can.”

“Magician,” Ronan said. Declan didn’t know what that meant, but Adam clearly did. “ _We_ can do it, asshole. Don’t leave me hanging here, Parrish.”

Adam smiled faintly. “Whatever, Lynch. Are you almost done here, or…? I could leave you the car.”

Ronan laughed. Actually laughed. “No way in hell am I going to drive that shitbox. Besides, that’ll leave you to walk home in the middle of the night.”

Adam smirked. “You wouldn’t pick me up? Wow.”

“I could drive Ronan back to Monmouth,” Declan interrupted.

Adam glanced at him, and then looked back at Ronan, raising an eyebrow, evidently wondering if that was a good idea. Ronan shrugged. “I think we’re pretty much done here, anyways, right?”

Declan nodded. “Yeah. You’re right. I think that’s pretty much it.”

“Okay,” Adam said. “Then I can drive you back before I go in to work. But we can’t take too long; I don’t want to be late.”

Ronan hopped off the picnic table. “Right,” he said. “Then let’s go. See you later, Declan.”

“Bye,” Declan replied. He watched Adam and Ronan retreat to Adam’s car. About halfway there, Adam reached over and took Ronan’s hand. Declan watched with curiosity, half-expecting his brother to shove the other boy off. Instead, Ronan stepped closer, so that there was almost no space in between them.

Declan smiled and shook his head. It was just like his brother to come out like this – doing what he pleased, and just letting Declan notice. There was that implicit dare to say something, but Declan wasn’t going to give in this time. He wasn’t going to comment, because he didn’t need to.

Ronan already knew that Declan suspected, and this was just him confirming it. This was just him stating the truth as obviously as he could. So, really, Declan wasn’t nearly as surprised as Adam when Ronan pulled them together in a kiss before throwing himself into the car.


End file.
